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Commentary by Barry Crimmins

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CrimQuips 1/30/04

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

Just a couple of quips followed by a brief primary update...

The world would be a much better place if the court-appointed Bush Administration knew the difference between Americana and Ghengiskhana.

The upside of the media enhanced Dean Iowa debacle is that it resulted in a new course ofpsychiatric treatment. It's called "primary scream therapy."

Speaking of the primaries...

It's been spun that John Kerry's New Hampshire Primary victory isn't that big of a deal since he comes from neighboring Massachusetts. Come on. It would be one thing if he had led in New Hampshire from wire to wire but Kerry picked up 34 points on Howard Dean in a matter of weeks and that is pretty impressive no matter where you're from. Massachusetts has a common border with the home of the first primary in the nation but New Hampshire and Vermont interlock and he regained that ground on the former governor of the Green Mountain State. At this point if you're in in the Anyone But Bush club, you must take a long look at Kerry.

I love Dennis Kucinich but was disappointed when exit polls showed that he lost the crucial battle for New Hampshire's delusional voters by a 3-1 margin to Joe Lieberman.This means that, at least in the Granite State, far more deluded people believe Lieberman is a Democrat than believe a Democratic candidate should stand up for progressive causes. Alas.

The Dean folks have a lot invested in their candidate and so they are going through a real Miami Dolphins fan moment. Each year the Dolphins kick ass in September but as the season winds down and the games become life and death, the Fins fade faster than newsprint in a greenhouse. With veteran beltway operative Roy Neel taking over the Dean run, so long to a campaign staple -- haranguing Washington insiders. Dean's best hope may rest on finding a way to prove thus far unsubstantiated charges of dirty tricks by the Kerry campaign (electronic "Dean" calls at imprudent hours, calls to
Dean supporters with incorrect caucus addresses and so on). Some Dean boosters tried to blame their boy's loss in the Iowa CAUCUS on touch screen voting irregularities until they were reminded of just how preposterous, not to mention wrong, that was. This time around they would be well advised to double-check their case before taking it out in public.

Wesley Clark is definitely the best general running for president, bar none! Unfortunately, many voters don't relate to his penchant for equating everything to how he ran military facilities. In regular life we have hospitals, not sick bays; stores and not PX's; jails and not brigs or guardhouses; cafeterias and not mess halls. To us debates start at 7 o'clock and not 1900 hours.

And some of us are just a tad nervous about a man who served in Vietnam, saw what took place over there and then deemed the military a sane career choice. Many of the nervous people are Vietnam vets.

It could be argued that nobody has done more for John Kerry than Wesley Clark. If the word 'electability' ends up in the dictionary, Clark's campaign will be largely responsible. When Kerry was lagging and Dean was apparently headed for the Super Bowl, Clark's foot soldiers began planting doubt about Dean's general appeal (if you'll forgive the term). The concept of "electability" has done more damage to Howard Dean (and I'm not saying it is fair or right, I am just reporting the facts here) than even his caterwaul heard 'round the world, which really, really hurt. Granted the media played gotcha by using the feed line from Dean's mike but even with the crowd howling, it was a pretty weird moment. And the timing was horrific considering he had just gotten his face rubbed in an Iowa pigsty by the formerly dead -to-rights Kerry. Much to the dismay of General Clark and his supporters, Senator Kerry, a man with serious military and public service credentials, and a candidate possessed of a veteran political organization, now seems the most likely person to end up with his picture next to 'electability' in the dictionary.

It is nonsense to say that America will not elect a candidate from the Northeast. This myth grew out of Michael Dukakis's bungled campaign in 1988. It says here that, should he be nominated, John Kerry is shrewd enough to run against Bush the unelected's weaknesses in a manner in which Duke refused to engage against Bush the (soon to be)elected. The Dukakis campaign chose to completely ignore the
Iran-Contra scandal and 41's role in it. Why remains unclear to this day. To further handcuff himself, he chose Lloyd Bentsen, a pro-Contra Dem as his running mate. And then Dukakis iced his layer cake of doom with braggadocio about the "Massachusetts Economic Miracle," a phenomena almost completely resultant from Reagan's massive military buildup. The Gipper's Pentagon spending spree infused cash into the Route 128 high tech corridor surrounding Boston faster than you could say
"Raytheon and General Dynamics." Of course it only took the tweaking and/or delay of a few contracts to set the Bay State back on the economic skids. It also didn't take the media long to investigate the Massachusetts economy west of Boston and find it in anything but miraculous repair.Kerry's campaign rhetoric already indicates that he will not provide W with a pass on the scandals that surround the court-appointed presidency. In fact the "Real Deal" label his campaign has adopted
takes the fraudulence of the current regime to task in just two words. And Jr is going to have a hard time pinning the economic woes of our nation on John Kerry or any Democrat. So please spare us the oppression of the conventional wisdom of Southern Strategies. The South is full of people who'd be happy to vote for a war hero who speaks candidly about George W. Bush's impervious attitudes toward contemporary soldiers and working people.

There is but one other Southern card to play. Senator John Edwards of North Carolina is the sweetest confectionary to arise from Dixie since the moon pie. He is a staunch advocate of good manners and will politely disagree with anyone who feels differently. Edwards has opted against a Senate re-election run, which could cost the Dems a crucial seat in the next Congress. Now there's a Southern Strategy. If a zephyr were to dislodge a cloud of cotton candy from its stick and send it careening into Edwards, you get the feeling he'd wind up with at least a few broken bones. That said, he might be the perfect VP candidate, particularly when contrasted with Fang Cheney.

PS- I have received three notes from subscribers concerning my naiveté about John Kerry's membership in Yale's not so secret Skull and Bones Society.
I am not a big conspiracy devotee -- perhaps I have been tormented by one too many Kennedy assassination buffs. I have known John Kerry and many of his people for years and have had many differences with them.

That said, I am relatively certain that they aren't simply pawns of a secret society. Were he to be nominated and then elected president, Kerry would restore White House respect for environmental laws, civil rights and civil liberties. He would appoint judges light years ahead of those named by Bush. Workers would get much more support in their struggles to survive in the modern economy and if we don't end up with some sort of national health care it won't be because it wasn't even a goal. Kerry would not have Dick Cheney and his cronies writing energy policy. He wouldn't create false reasons to go to war. If he did have troops in the field, they wouldn't have to rely on private sources to supply them with Kevlar vests. John Kerry wouldn't hide cutting veteran 's benefits behind a red, white and blue facade because he would work to restore benefits to his fellow vets. If caskets returned home filled with American soldiers under his watch, I am certain that he wouldn't attempt to censor news coverage of their arrival back on US soil.

If you ask me, it's a pretty crappy secret society that would allow one member to take the presidency from another. If it's so damned omnipotent, why would it allow any of its members to suffer the embarrassment of losing?

Does the Skull and Bones represent old school ties and the potential for cronyism in a Kerry Administration. Hell yes. Considering our current circumstances, is that a good enough reason to rule out support for Kerry? Hell no.

Were I voting tomorrow it would be for Dennis Kucinich. And I have sniped at Kerry for years- in Massachusetts - in print -- on stage. But unlike George W. Bush when Kerry runs into someone he knows he is courteous and says hello, rather than snubbing that person over political differences. Had I ever known Bush and then publicly challenged and criticized his positions do you think I could have ever expected any sort of courtesy from the man? Of course not.

To summarize: the implied shorthand of these Skull and Bones insinuations is that both Kerry and Bush serve the same master. Well I think that is rather far-fetched because we would be in discernibly better shape if John Kerry becomes president next January. And I repeat for the ten zillionth time, that I will support any Democrat (noting here that Lieberman's party status is a matter of dispute) this year against Bush.

Good luck to you, your candidates and your Super Bowl teams!

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*******

CrimQuips 1/25/04

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

"We are seeking all the facts -- already the Kay Report identified dozens of weapons of mass destruction-related program activities and significant amounts of equipment that Iraq concealed from the United Nations." -- Court-appointed President George W. Bush last week in his State of the Union Address.

"That is correct." -- David Kay, the author of the aforementioned report when asked if he was saying that Iraq did not have any large stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons, in a Reuters interview released just two days after Bush's SOTU speech.

"Yes, we believe he [Saddam Hussein] had them, [WMD} and yes we believe they will be found…We believe the truth will come out." -- White House Chief Prevaricator Scott. McClellan continuing to maintain that up is down even though Bush's own handpicked inspection chief acknowledged there are no weapons to be found as he resigned his futile post.

'We believe the truth will come out?' My goodness, Scott, don't let Dick Cheney catch you saying stuff like that around the Oval Office! -- Barry Crimmins -- self-appointed thorn in the side of the court-appointed Bush administration.

Taking a page from Walmart's book, W had the Capitol's doors locked so that no one could walk out on his endless State of the Union Address last week.

Dennis Miller's new show debuts on CNBC on Monday and if all goes well, a slot on Bloomberg isn't out of the question.

Just what America needs: a smug quisling mugging above its stock quotes.

Pretty soon Miller will be doing shows in the exciting new smaller portion of the "picture in picture" format on a public access cable show near you.

To sell out that much and still end up on CNBC is just pitiful.

Bush's Mars exploration plans represent some serious foresight. One day this Iraq boondoggle will end and Halliburton will need something like a Mars mission for fleecing the taxpayer.

Of course it will take a lot of R&D dollars for Halliburton to determine how to bribe microbes on Mars.

W is pushing education as a campaign theme this year. OK, technically it's "re-education" for registered Democrats -- nevertheless he's pushing it.

Bush says he is eating beef and isn't vaguely concerned about the possibility of mad cow disease. Of course he isn't -- the disease attacks the brain.

Either they don't have the internet in Iowa or Howard Dean has a few problems.

Apparently Dean is strongest among people with multiple screen-names.

Dean's freakout of a speech on the night of the Iowa caucus was meant to inspire his younger supporters? How? By calling to mind the kind of person who gets the cops called to a rave?

I guess we shouldn't be surprised when a guy from Vermont demonstrates the ability to go downhill at a rapid rate of speed.

Doc Dean has a few days to turn his virtual candidacy back into a real one and if he can do it anywhere, New Hampshire would be the place. If he doesn't rebound he has brought many issues, many new voters and much untainted money into the mix and there is nothing wrong with any of that.

We have watched Bush commit one faux pas after the next without receiving anywhere near the scrutiny or analysis of Dean's Screech Heard 'round the World.

And by the way, Peter Jennings, Bush WAS a deserter during Nam. Jesus, don't you have Google at ABC?

John Kerry is looking better and better. Unlike Dean, he has never been quoted as saying "YEEEEAAGGH!" on CNN and unlike Clark he has never given the commencement address at the School of the America's (aka/ School of the Assassins) as did Clark in 1996.

And by the way, Kerry gives the Dems all the military credibility they ever need without any "general" baggage so Wesley Clark's supporters need to present some other credentials as to why their man is a more viable option than Kerry.

Dick Gephart - The Iowa Carcass

Jokes aside, let's hope Dick continues his efforts for workers by fighting the scourge of globalization.

Sure Kerry can bring out Green Berets he saved in Nam but you never hear about the several times Bush took the wheel when his guardsmen buddies were too hammered to drive. Yup, old W was the best damned shit-faced driver in his battalion but he'd never stoop to exploiting it for political purposes.

If they gave out purple hearts for hangovers, W would have been the most decorated soldier of the Vietnam era.

*******

I think it's great that Iowa caucusers gave this race back to their fellow Democrats. It's even greater that they took it away from the foregone conclusions that were being peddled by pundits. Let's see how the Democratic aspirants do under growing pressure and then we'll have a good idea who will be able to withstand the heat this fall. For now I am pleased to see that the Capital Gang(ster) types don't seem to have much influence with rank and file Democrats.

That said, I will discard my own advice and make a prediction. Here goes: Speculation about Progress Radio will prove to be as inaccurate as most punditry has been concerning the Democratic field. One analyst after the next has prognosticated what the network will be about and then proceeded to demonstrate why such an endeavor is likely to fail. But not one of these analysts has come close to accurately foretelling what will soon be reaching the American radio dial. In the near future we will take to the air and suddenly there will be a paucity of straw men available for pundit immolation.

Too often we are subjected to commentary that is dominated by people telling us what is going to happen, instead of what is happening or has happened. Well if you don't know what's going on or what's gone on, you're not too likely to have an accurate vision of the future. We are working to build a network that will first and foremost get information to people so that they can draw their own conclusions.

Almost no mainstream commentators came close to foreseeing the Iraqi quagmire in the months of yammering leading up to the war. Millions of protesters foresaw the nightmare long before it unfolded. The new network will be a source of information and entertainment to the greatest people in the world -- the kind of people who would rather brave frigid weather to express their hopes and fears about the future rather wait for their opinions to be delivered by some electronic windbag, re-circulating the hot air of conventional wisdom.

***

Please take the time to click and read the following piece by David Vest --it exposes the court-appointed Bush Administration for being penny ante patriots concerning the wellbeing of the very soldiers it has sent into harm's way.

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CrimQuips 12/30/03

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

Former New Jersey Republican Governor Thomas Kean, the chairman of the so-called Independent Inquiry Into 9/11, says that had available intelligence information been properly utilized, the 2001 terror attacks were preventable. If he thinks pre-9/11 intelligence was poorly utilized, he should consider how little intelligence we have used since then.

Besides, had 9-11 been avoided there'd have been even fewer phony reasons for attacking Iraq.

In fairness, it should be remembered that the court-appointed Bush administration had the blueprint for needless war with Iraq in place long before 9/11. So let's be careful about pointing fingers!

In fact the blueprint for needless war with Iraq was in place even before the Bushists drew up plans for stealing the 2000 election. Talk about preparedness!

Back-peddling from the implications of his remarks, Kean said, "We're going to avoid a rush to judgment." Rough translation: Hey, I'm a good Republican. Rest assured I'll do all I can to keep the details from leaking before November 2004.

A certain radio commentator called Kean and privately pleaded for him to stop using the words "rush" and "judgment" in the same sentence.

It's official! The "Freedom Tower" will fill the physical void left behind by the destroyed World Trade Center structures. It is named in memory of all the civil liberties that have been assassinated by the court-appointed Bush administration since 9/11.

The Freedom Tower will be 1,776 feet tall, including plenty of residential space because people just love to move their families to the sites of horrific tragedies.

The pricing will be unique for skyscrapers: the higher the floor, the lower the rent.

Finally, some affordable housing in Manhattan!

Instead of a posh restaurant on the top floor, there'll be a Burger King.

The Muzak on the elevators will only play songs by Toby Keith, Hank Williams Jr. and Lee Greenwood.

After 100 or so stories of "I'm Proud to be an American,"you'll be ready to face anything.

And you thought the Target Center was in Minneapolis.

You have to hope that the obviously hurting Saddam Hussein has not been prescribed Oxycontin by the military medicos. The painkiller, known to cause deluded, nonstop yammering in fascists, would render any interrogation of Hussein useless.

Reports that Kurds actually captured and drugged Saddam Hussein, leaving him as a sitting duck/spider for American troops have been well-reported internationally but have been scarcer than decent motives in the new Medicare bill in the US corporate media.

Apparently, Saddam's capture was nothing more than the result of a "canned hunt" on a Kurdish game farm.

Canned hunts are how all those manly Texas "sportsmen" bag tigers in Amarillo or El Paso. The creatures live in a fenced in compound, hand-fed by humans from infancy until one day Bungalow Bubba pulls up in his SUV and serves the unsuspecting kitty a double-barrelled lunch.

This time the intrepid Texans came back with the head of a genuine eight-point freedom hater.

Considering all the years the US hand-fed Saddam, it really is kind of embarrassing that he ended up on a Kurdish canned hunt compound.

Capturing the former despot in no way evened the 9-11 score -- conspiracy freaks have made more plausible links between the White House and those hateful attacks than Bush ever made between Hussein and the al Qaeda killers.

Does anyone actually believe that only a million or so dollars was seized along with Saddam? In all likelihood there's already several lawn and leaf sized diplomatic pouches labeled: Karl Rove -- White House-- Deliver Before November 2004.

Somewhere Osama bin Laden may already be sitting in a spider hole that's also labeled: Karl Rove -- White House-- Deliver Before November 2004.

A Saddam Hussein trial would establish an uncomfortable precedent for all of the uncharged prisoners the US is holding in Guantanamo. And how about all the Middle Easterners who've been rounded up in INS sweeps? Don't they deserve as fair a shake as that received by a known mass murderer?

The USA: We always get our dictator --sometimes from spider holes, sometimes from Supreme Court rulings.

We can breathe a sigh of relief now that the selection of our national CEO will no longer hinge on a game of hide and seek with a homeless ex-dictator. It will pivot on larger issues, like terrorist-baiting, gay-bashing (anything for the cause, eh, Karl?) and fear-mongering.

Look at the bright side -- if the war miraculously ends and all the soldiers come home, the court-appointed Bush administration's goal of full unemployment will be easily reached.

The troops best bring back plenty of Iraqi crude because when the "jobless recovery" combines with hand over fist deficit spending and unconscionable tax cuts for the wealthy, it will be tough to keep up with the demand for all the oil required to grease America's economic skids.

In retrospect, W's photo-op with a plastic turkey during his layover in Baghdad on Thanksgiving wasn't much of a surprise. Birds of a feather...

Considering the disproportionate amount of precious water that's diverted for the nutritionally inefficient crop of cattle, this mad cow outbreak puts the West's suspect agricultural priorities even further up the river.

This could be a good sign-- first the cows get mad -- then the people.

Historical Note: When first warned about the likelihood of a mad cow disease outbreak, W plunged his head into the exact same hill of sand Ronald Reagan used when he was first cautioned about AIDS.

Carnage Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has suggested that the US act quickly in the aftermath of the deadly Iranian earthquake and finish the job nature began by leveling any buildings left standing by the tumbler.

What do you bet W's investigation into Halliburton's gas price-gouging in Iraq will identify the failure to open the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve to oil drilling as the real culprit?

Of course the domestic media would break the real story of Saddam's capture if only it wouldn't distract us from the Code Orange Terror Warning, which was put in place to distract us from the truth about Saddam's canned capture in the first place.

Considering how screwing up New Year celebrations with color-coded alarmism has become an annual event perhaps Tom Rigid should become the permanent co-host of Dick Clark's Rocking New Year's Eve!

The way the court-appointed Bush administration sees it, when it comes to the facts concerning the Iraqi Quagmire: Repression is the better part of valor.

***

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CrimQuips 11/30/03

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

Happy 168th Birthday Samuel Langhorne Clemens.

***

When did Ed McMahon and Dick Clark become the executive producers of Bush's personal appearance schedule?

What's Bush do next? Play a wacky trick on celebrity governor Arnold Shckelgroper?

"Look at yourself captured on our secret cameras, Arnold, you really thought she was going to press charges, didn't you?"

"Ya, W gott me goot dat time!"

The methods employed on Bush's Baghdad trip were nothing new for him -- he's been flying with the lights out for years.

Besides, vampires always operate under the cover of darkness.

Rumor has it that the landing gear for Bush's plane included training wheels.

How in hell did they get an aircraft carrier into Baghdad is the real question.

***

Bush didn't visit Iraq so much as have a layover there.

It would be like you or I making a connection at O'Hare and then bragging about how we really got a chance to know Chicago.

"And here's a picture of me with the skycaps who are synonymous with the Windy City."

"Wow! Chicago is just full of duty-free shops and there are news kiosks everywhere!"

"Many of the older natives travel by golf cart."

***

The biggest danger of a daylight mission for Bush would have been that he'd have seen for himself that there are no weapons of mass destruction.

Considering her visits to Afghanistan and Iraq (not layovers, mind you, but actual visits!) Hillary Clinton is Audie Murphy compared to Bush.

If Bush were so damned heroic, he'd have visited a field hospital.

But then, if Bush were heroic, there'd be no need for field hospitals.

The court-appointed prez has inspired many young Americans to emulate his courageous act. Armed services recruiting offices have been flooded with volunteers to take deluxe, catered, private flights to Iraq that: arrive under the cover of night, take part in ceremonies in their honor and then get the hell out before dawn.

Next year Bush plans to make a truly daredevil mission-- he's going to return to Iraq while daylight savings is in effect.

Bush's jet to Baghdad is quickly becoming a led balloon.

The footage of W's airport visit provides the US with some propaganda to counter all of those Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein tapes that keep turning up on Al Jazeera.

The average National Guardsman/woman stationed in Iraq spends more time waiting in line to use a pay phone than Bush spent in-country.

If traveling in the dark makes you a hero then millions of Iraqis have been heroes for most of the time since last March.

Whenever Bush makes one of these stunt appearances he has but one steadfast companion by his side: the hokey stench of Karl Rove.

A big sign that hangs in Rove's office says: MISSION ACCOMPLICE.

How many non-photo-op soldiers ended up pulling mysterious Thanksgiving duty because of the increased security demands of W's visit? I bet they sure had a special holiday.

Of course the airport troops were happy to see Bush. They knew so long as he was there they were in the one safe spot in Baghdad.

I flew to Madison, Wisconsin last month and ran into more than 600 troops -- and that was just at the security checkpoints.

When they smuggled that heinous medicare bill past us under cover of night, Rove decided that Bush's touch and go visit to Baghdad just might work.

With all the traveling he's done lately, W is really piling up the frequent liar miles.

Bush hasn't done anything this glorious since he helped take San Diego last May.

"Psst. Hail the conquering hero. Pass it on."

Nobody has full-time work anymore, not even wartime soldiers. Consider all the National Guard units involved in the Iraqi Quagmire. The American military has gone from Kelly's Rangers to Kelly Girls.

***

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CrimQuips 11/21/03

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

Why is it that more compromised W becomes, the less capable he becomes of compromise?

Last winter, when millions of Americans said they'd support our troops, they weren't expecting they'd have to do it six people at a time.

"Operation Iron Hammer" is the name the US military has given its new crackdown on Iraqi insurgents. Excuse me, but aren't hammers supposed to be made of steel?

Then again, if you can build a rationale for war from fluff and create a quagmire from desert, why not make a hammer from iron?

Nazis originally coined the term "Operation Iron Hammer." It was used in a campaign meant to smash the USSR. So the Pentagon has chosen not just a stupid name but a fascist, losing, stupid name. So maybe it is appropriate. (According to MSNBC's website: ''Eisenhammer,'' the German for ''iron hammer,'' was a Luftwaffe code name for a plan to destroy Soviet [power] generating plants in the Moscow and Gorky areas in 1943.")

"Operation Rubber Hammer" would be more appropriate because the policy will undoubtedly bounce back and smash Bush in the nose.

"Operation Ironhead" would be a good name for the court-appointed Bush administration's foreign policy initiatives. Like iron, the initiatives are soft yet dense.

Senior citizens are often forgotten in our society but the AARP is boldly demonstrating the elderly's influence by using its collective wealth and strength to sell seniors out by supporting the hideous prescription drug bill.

Considering its support for the Medicare prescription drug scam (which will further engorge Big Pharma and the health protection rackets --aka/health insurance conglomerates--by fleecing the elderly and all taxpayers) "AARP" now stands for "American Association of Republican's Patsies."

The AARP is a great organization to join if you don't have the time to give your address to direct marketing firms that target oft-vulnerable seniors.

Price supports are one thing. This bill creates LIST price supports.

Here's what the Medicare prescription scam says: Let's lock in these artificially inflated prices before they have a chance to be driven down by sanity and competition.

Let's take the vast purchasing power of the federal government and use it to buy vacation homes for corrupt corporate officials rather than crucial medicine for elderly people on fixed incomes.

And let's make sure that the poorest old people are the first to be unable to afford life-extending drugs. Now there's an easy way to reduce the number of Democrats.

The AAARP's ads in support of this scurrilous bill admit, "It's not a perfect plan." Right -- a perfect plan would have Social Security checks direct-deposited in the Republican National Committee's bank account.

This bill forces seniors to make their prescription purchases through private insurance plans. Conveniently enough, the AARP offers just such coverage. Kind of takes the mystery out of why an organization that is supposed to be a progressive advocate for seniors is suddenly operating like a heartless corporation. It also explains why its top official has the title "CEO."

At this rate, the AARP will soon come out in support making Social Security a workfare program.

It's time for AARP CEO (and Newt Gingrich crony) William Novelli to become an American retired person.

Considering the jingoism at the center of its bluster, Republican NATIONALIST Committee is more like it.

Bush recently stated that he wants to outlaw torture. He could take a big step in that direction by never again attempting to pronounce the word "nuclear."

He could take a bigger step by refraining from retrofitting his rationales for attacking Iraq because such rationalizations cannot be made without the torture of logic.

He could take the biggest step of all by resigning his stolen presidency. Hundreds of millions would be released from the torture of knowing he sits in the Oval Office.

Bush looked so reverent when they played "God Save the Queen" at the state dinner at Buckingham Palace because he thought the anthem was in honor of J. Edgar Hoover.

Considering how much Tony Blair has been a Bush lapdog, W's British trip should have been called a "51st state" visit.

Britain almost brought its troops home from Iraq this week - to provide the additional security necessitated by the visit of the court-appointed prez.

Not since the buzz bomb has England had such an unpleasant guest.

Too bad Edward R. Murrow is no longer with us. He'd have been perfect to cover Bush's visit. "This… is London. And this... is pitiful."

Bush refused to address Parliament -- but only because his people hadn't had time to buy it.

When the chapter about the George W. Bush era is written, it will be labeled: A New Low.

W is considering a quick turnover of power to Iraqis in Iraq in hopes of precluding a quick turnover of power to Democrats in Washington.

The Miami police have employed strong-arm tactics against globalization protesters. Florida officials take a dim view of anyone who demonstrates political views outside of an easily overlooked ballot box.

It is advisable to drink bottled water -- especially since most municipal water supplies have been fouled by all the plastic plants that have sprung up to make water bottles.

It was outrageous that the cancelled CBS miniseries implied that Nancy & Ronald Reagan spoke ill of gays. They didn't speak ill of gays, they just shook them down for Nancy's wardrobe.

W keeps saying "We'll stay in Iraq until the job is done." Just how long it will take to transfer the Treasury to court-appointed Bush Administration cronies and pump the contents of Iraq's oil fields into a few Texan's off-shore accounts is unclear -- but as soon as those things happen, the job will be done!

There is more sincerity and truth in ten minutes of a Home Shopping Network jewelry special than was seen on C-Span 2 during last week's Republican Senate Jurisimprudencathon.

Nice job by the Supreme Court when it refused to hear the idiotic case of the would-be carvers of the Ten Commandments into courthouses. Thou shalt give it a rest.

That is the first time I have ever written the phrase, "nice job by the Supreme Court." I must be mellowing.

Rush Limbaugh assiduously asserts he wasn't involved in laundering the vast amounts of money he paid to drug dealers for his hillbilly heroin habit. Like any good Republican he sent his money out to be laundered.

Was there anything more disgusting than the scene of all those white men helping Bush sign the new restrictive abortion bill?

You know what those guys were doing? Whispering to W, "Make a 'G.' No a 'big' G."

They all looked like they had had partial brain abortions.

What a surprise, eight powerful white guys decided that they care more about the well being of an embryo than that of a woman!

So-called "partial birth abortions" (a political and intentionally vague term) are very rare procedures, generally employed to save a woman's life or health or because it has become obvious that the fetus will suffer from extreme birth defects. It seems "choice" might be a good option to leave available in such cases.

To listen to the pie-eyed, anti-choice moralists, you'd think it's a procedure used by millions of woman too busy with Satan -worshipping and promiscuous behavior to have an abortion performed during the first trimester of pregnancy.

Bush thinks "Pro-Choice" is a company that makes baseball caps.

You wear them on your Ironhead.

********

Screed section.....

Get Out!

Not one of the recent dozens of deaths or hundreds of grievous injuries suffered by US troops in Iraq make the hundreds of deaths or thousands of grievous injuries suffered by Americans in the previous months in Bush's needless war any more sane or justifiable. (Which is not to mention the exponentially larger Iraqi casualty totals, a practice apparently outlawed in US media). Get out Bush. Get out now. Stop slaughtering innocents on the pagan altar of your Reptilican brain. You are wrong, this is a disaster and your horrible legacy is so damned far down the tubes that it is now actually lower than Karl Rove's motives.

*******

Invest Wisely

Considering the latest avalanche of news about mutual fund scams and currency fraud perhaps Americans will finally decide that the best way to make a living is to work for that living rather than attempt to get rich quick by investing in institutions that are designed to rip off workers and retirees. (Ever notice how the stock prices leap when companies layoff measurable portions of their employees? How are such corporations good "long-term investments" for anyone dependent on a paycheck?) Many corporations are thriving because of the glut of virtual slave labor that globalization provides. It has removed boundaries for profiteering while building economic dungeons for workers.

We need to remember that all investments aren't literally economic. For instance: we must invest our time to organize and stand with fellow workers against an ever-growing gang of robber barons and their rape of our economies. We must also get over the foolishly nationalistic (redundancy noted) belief that we can solve all of our problems by simply "buying American." We must make an effort to invest our purchasing dollars in companies that treat their workers well -- whether it means the products are made in the USA or Brazil, in Sweden or Japan, in Mexico or South Africa. It means that when Wal-Mart makes the brazen attempt to put their competition out of business by charging less than wholesale prices for the most popular Christmas toys, we must either demonstrate the will power to only purchase the items upon which they are intentionally losing money, or better yet, never walk into Wal-mart in the first place. After all, the most popular toys are probably just plastic crap made by exploited workers.

If we can't be in Miami in person over the next several days to join protesters in a stand against the madness of globalization, we can be there with them in solidarity by vowing to end our collaboration with the forces of economic evil in our workplaces and our marketplaces. This will require us to become better fellow workers and wiser consumers. These are two investments that will surely pay dividends that result in the best deal of all -- a more just world.

*******

Putting Michael Jackson in his place-- at the end of a discussion of larger news stories.

( Warning: This is even more of an opinion piece than I usually write.)

First a joke to loosen you up: Michael Jackson's new release Number 1 is selling like Number 2.

And now, turning to the screed...

I don't much like cops or DA's. I don't like the inanity of media priorities that allowed Michael Jackson's arrest on child molestation charges to garner more airtime than the Turkish terrorist attacks, the massive British protests, the latest Wall Street scandal, the Quagmire in Iraq and the Republican energy and Medicare scams put together. I also don't like an awful lot of nasty things I have heard said about Jackson's alleged victim, an at-the-time pre-adolescent terminal cancer patient.

The kid is now miraculously in remission. Jackson takes credit for this --others may think the child survived because his story needed to be told. Pedophiles are devious people and it takes a devious person to realize that dead children tell no tales. Sadly, I feel Michael Jackson is capable of drawing just such an evil conclusion.

Jackson, the world's ultimate consumer, always tells us how much he cares for children. Well if he cared so much about kids he'd do less conspicuous consumption and more constructive charity. The next time he feels like taking a multimillion-dollar shopping spree perhaps he should consider buying back the water rights for a small African nation that's been forced to privatize the precious commodity by IMF loan-sharks instead. That would surely help lots of children. I fear the sad truth is that Michael Jackson only cares about kids he can get his hands on. If this means he has to make occasional grandstand plays on behalf of other children, well that's just an operating expense.

The self-proclaimed King of Pop is about as dangerous as someone can get, at least someone without an army: he's a pedophile with an unlimited budget. Face reality, an adult who adds an amusement park and zoo to his fortress/compound that's replete with a hidden passage between the master bedroom and the "Shirley Temple" room is flaunting a predilection for preying upon youth. Besides, innocent people rarely pay eight-figure settlements to families of children to silence them and persuade them to drop criminal and civil child sexual abuse cases. MJ did just that in 1993. Now Jackson says he can't wait to fight these latest charges. I figure his sudden lust for jurisprudence was discovered when he realized that this time he can't muffle a child's cry with a large enough pile of dough.

Michael Jackson needs to be segregated from children -- not from justice and the rest of the world behind the gates of his creepy Neverland Ranch. I'd be perfectly happy if this segregation came by way of confinement in a facility for the criminally insane. Few could argue that this sad and damaged individual isn't eligible for a scholarship to such an institution.

If you'll forgive a metaphorically-necessitated roundabout acknowledgement of a spirit world, Jackson proves that Satan is a wimp. George W. Bush corroborates this truth. Perhaps W will someday face the accountability that now stalks Jackson. Now that the die is cast, we don't need is OJ-level MJ coverage and speculation as the case unfolds. Such focus would take the media off several pressing stories, all of which will embarrass Satan/wimp Bush.

Still, we mustn't downgrade the seriousness of the case against Jackson because of our disgust with the media swarm. We must let the media know that we understand that Jackson's story won't be told until a judge or jury speaks and that we can wait for that result. We've got to hold the media accountable for covering the larger story of the court-appointed Bush administration's molestation of human rights, the environment and our very way of life. Such editorial scrutiny will only help kids. Goodness knows that cutbacks in human services necessitated by Bush giveaways to the ultra-wealthy have made the USA a more dangerous place for children. The further misappropriation of our national treasury for an insane war and a "rebuilding project" -- that will do a lot more good for Houston's economy than it ever will for Baghdad's -- is making the world still less safe for children. How many cases of domestic child abuse will be overlooked because we have committed nearly $200 billion to a cause that has orphaned, maimed and killed thousands of Iraqi children? How many bad cases will be made against innocent adults by child protective agencies simply because workers are as overwhelmed and overworked as a national guardsman on his thirteenth month of active duty overseas? One such case would be way too many and there are surely have been more than that.

Michael Jackson's story is important because it demonstrates how a society in denial about the abuse of children will let the perpetrators of crimes against children hide in the brightest of spotlights. It is that same propensity for denial that allows a measurable portion of Americans to delude themselves into believing that the crimes committed by the court-appointed Bush administration-- at the center of the global stage -- are actually acts of bold leadership and great patriotism. Bush's story is much bigger and more important than Jackson's but both situations cry for justice.

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� 2003 Barry Crimmins